'You must manufacture plastics, but it is God who takes care of all the natural and supernatural phenomenon.'
I have noticed quite a bit of change in my lifestyle in recent times. Could it be that old age is catching up? Maybe I am trying to prove a point to a number of people? Trying to show folks that I am coming of age? I mean, once you hit the big 3-0, everybody seems to be like "whoa!" And "Oh!" The world expects you to be more mature and look more focused and " have it all together and figured out!"
Is that whats happening to me?
I have been wondering what is motivating all these new changes I am embracing lately.
Authenticity has suddenly become a very big deal.
Tv is usually off unless I want to catch a big story in the news. These days I spend more time in quiet solitude wondering how I could be of service to God and others. Trying to be creative with time and resources.
One of my favorite hobbies used to be watching action movies- I currently have so many movies on my hard drive that remain unwatched! I would rather read my Bible or a good book on Christianity or biographies of great dead preachers (I know- a little morbid aye?)
I used to look around a lot in church during services- trying to people-read ( I am a hopeless people watcher!) and of course- also trying to spot all the beautiful girls who genuinely seem fascinated by whatever my pastor was talking about! These days, I honestly don't care about the pretty girl holding her head in her hands lost in the scriptures- these days I am one of those (just that I am male instead!) In fact the only reason I sit in the back is because I help out with the sound- otherwise, I would rather be in the front row and avoid all the distractions!
I used to sing Hymns and worship songs in church with a false enthusiasm- just reading the words off the projector screen without thinking about them. These days, the words get tossed and wrestled around in my mind long after the church service is done! I want them to mean something to me- not just be a catchy melody that I know!
I used to want to be the first guy with the newest and latest Christian music - just so I could brag and show off my musical knowledge, taste and wide collection! Lately, my playlists have thinned out- I am sticking with my old favorites- more fascinated by the Lyrics than the new sounds and production styles.
I used to want to be known by many people and I had this plastic smile on so everyone could think how "friendly and nice" Tony is. Right now, I am more concerned about hanging out and getting to know a little better the few people that already know me. I want to dig in a little deeper and invest in those relationships much more than I want to meet new people!
Marriage used to be a big priority in my future plans- now it's like "Meh- if it happens, praise the Lord,if not- Paul is the perfect role model!"
I used to work at trying to come across as the "awesome" and "cool" teacher to all the different kids I get to teach on a weekly basis - now, I just want to be good friends with them. I want them to be comfortable enough to share with me their silly stories, their big dreams and let them pull on my small and pathetic beard,oh and also laugh at them as they pinch and punch my bulging biceps while they innocently ask me " Can you beat Batman?"
I used to passionately preach "hell,fire and brimstone" to all my non- Christian friends with the main intention of showing them what horrible persons they are and how doomed they would be if they died in their sins. Now I find myself sharing more about Gods grace and mercy through the experiences and stories of my own life rather than trying to scare them into 'buying' Fire Insurance.
So how do I explain these recent awakenings? Am I that terrified of getting older? Are all these changes just mere works of the flesh aimed at an outward display of my 'coming of age'? I sincerely doubt that. I think God has set me up.
I am naturally not a people pleaser. I am not saying I don't try to be kind and loving to people-no, my faith actually demands that I do that! All I am saying is that I don't go out trying to kiss boots or fit in to people's moulds. In fact I am always trying to be in the opposite direction with everybody else!
So no, I don't think this is me freaking out and having a pre-mature mid life crisis. I think I see what God is doing.
He has plugged me into an incredible church with incredible pastors. He has pushed me out into teaching and sharing my faith in about 5 different classes every week ( this forces me to read and meditate more scripture than I have ever read before in any other period of my life!) He has thrust quite a number of good books in my hands lately- but most importantly He is making me more aware and more reliant on the person and work of the Holy Spirit in me. In summary, what I am saying is He has set me up for growth! I am just the excited little kid who is starting to embrace this new phase in my life's journey.
The stories in the Bible clearly show that God does not mass produce carbon copies of hysterical religious nuts, rather, He graciously molds diverse, humble, genuine disciples.
Judah, in his younger days was a profit minded and sexually promiscuous man. Paul used to be a fanatical monk on crack- killing and jailing anyone who had the slightest whiff of Jesus on them.
Jacob was a lying, thieving and sly schemer who was always on the run before the angel of Love crippled his leg and stole his heart.
Peter was the loud mouth, hot tempered, know-it-all, big shot among the 12 before the Holy Spirit decided to dig in and flip the script.
They were all wretches and losers headed nowhere fast- actually, they were headed straight to hell, yet look what The Lord did when He started to mould their hearts!
The natural encountered the supernatural- and the natural did not remain the same but rather aspired to be regenerated into the supernatural!
So are you the religious freak with all the rituals and calculated moves,or are you just a wretched sinner being transformed daily by the Gospel?
Romans 12:1-2
I read recently how the fruits of the Spirit, all that good stuff, peace, love, joy....etc! How we can't create them in ourselves without the will of God- ok maybe self control we can master, but not the rest, they come when we make room for him to dwell in us. Sounds like you in a good place brother. Loving to hear where you at and what He is doing.
ReplyDeleteThese types of situations encourage me, only because it reminds me that we are all part of the body of Christ and in some shape or form experience some of the same circumstances. As much as it's a strange place to be in, it's also a great place. Thanks for sharing and reminding us that there is nothing better than to be authentic and let the Lord really live in us, in words and in actions not just by what we believe would work best. :) Thanks Tony.
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