The purpose in your pain

                                   "The point of your life is to point to Him!"

This is supposed to be an exciting week for me.  This Thursday marks a year to the day I walked away from a job to chase a dream. Yes, on the 18th of April 2012, I walked away from a good job and went back into the slum to pursue what I believe is my life long calling- working with slum kids and street orphans. So it's supposed to have been an exciting week as I looked back on what God has done in the past twelve months, right? Instead it turned out to be one of the most depressing weeks in my life. I have been in low spirits.I wanted to throw in the towel Call it quits and just run back to a 'regular' life! Whatever that means.

So why have I been feeling down?
I have been sickly (I rarely get sick) it's been raining cats and dogs ( I HATE the cold and the slum mud just depresses me!) and I have been low on funds (I am too independent and too proud to beg).  There is also stuff that has been building up on the inside- I have so many ideas and plans but lack the resources to do anything about them. This has been wearing me out- as I look at  a calloused and proud world that doesn't care about slum orphans and poor street boys. As I watch people with means and in position to do something for the less fortunate and sadly realize they don't care and probably never will. I have also had my beef with God- the age old question. Why? Why would he allow the wicked to prosper and why does it look like He is not interested in supporting  'His' own work? Isn't the church His brainchild? Why doesn't He sort her out and do amazing things through her? Isn't He the one so chiefly concerned about His glory and reputation? Well, it doesn't seem like the world wide church is winning lots of admirers and building a movement in recent years- does it?
 So I was content to sulk and wallow in self pity and even to throw up some words to God about how I thought He ought to be running the world -and especially His church! I have a mouth problem- I am hasty with my words and they come out faster than my brain can process, edit and filter them. Many times it leaves me wishing they had invented a vacuum cleaner that can suck up and take back everything you didn't really want to leave hanging out as speech cloud. I was very angry and not in any kind of mood to read my Bible or any other biblical or theological books. I was feeling pretty pre occupied and  self centered and all I wanted to do was dwell on how pathetic and useless my life and  efforts were and how I might be throwing away my life chasing a phantom. As ridiculous as it now sounds and seems- I started questioning wether I had heard God's voice or if I had been too hasty in my decision to leave employment and do what I do. I started scheming on getting out. How to exit quietly and politely.

But last night God graciously came through again. He talked to me through a movie! A movie I believe I stole from some friend's computer a while ago.

It was about 10 pm last night and I was not ready for bed. I had been lying around in the house since Monday wallowing in the pits and as all my friends know- sleep and I have never been good friends since I finished High School. Sleep has always evaded me. Anyways, since I wasn't planning on reading my Bible or any other good book - I started scrolling through my new computer( she is my most treasured earthly 'thing' right now!) looking for a movie to watch and this movie caught my eye- I hadn't watched it before. It was just sitting there with this tantalizing title- It's a wonderful Life! I thought to myself- "Yeah, right!" But I was ready to see somebody else's wonderful life because mine was not too wonderful -I didn't think!

So I start to play this movie. It's about this George. It starts out with many shots of  households in prayer. Everyone seems to be praying for George cause he is depressed,has lost all hope and seems to have dissappeared from the little town. Then some celestial beings which look like big stars are discussing his fate and they  decide to send a wingless Angel to help him out- but first they preview the man's life so that the angel can see what kind of man George is. So anyway to cut the story short- this George guy had different dreams- he wanted to leave his small town and explore the world and come back and do big things- but fate would have him remain and take care of his late father's business that helped poor people build and  own their own homes and evade the clutches of an evil and greedy old grinch who wants to own and control everything in the town.

The old grinch has been trying to find a way to take over the wonderful little business but George has outwitted him so far- but the old grinch's  chance comes when George's uncle 'loses' 8 thousand dollars which the old grinch finds and keeps hidden. George knows that without the 8k, the whole business is going down and he might be jailed on false charges of embezzlement after the Grinch refuses to help him out. He decides to go commit suicide on a bridge- and that's when the wingless old Angel comes in!

The high light of the movie is when George wishes he had never been born -and the Angel in consultation with heaven grants the wish. George walks through his hometown and nobody knows him or recognizes him and some people have a horrible quality of life because he won't there to help them out! He never existed and they don't know him-although he knows them all! When he cries out and wants to 'live' again- that's when the movie really hits home!  I won't spoil it by giving it away- watch it if you haven't! it's one of the best movies I have ever watched in my whole life. I don't intend to ever delete it! EVER!

Okay, so your probably wondering what's the point of my gibberish about this movie? Well, it saved me last night! God showed me his purposes in all the suffering and the pain we go through! We don't want pain! We want everything to go according to our plans! We don't want the inconveniences of other people's problems- we want drama free, sunny cloudless days, easy going lives that don't force us to dig in or sacrifice anything! We want it our way or the high way- or like George, we wish we were never born! Yet our small day to day actions and relationships impact so many lives around us! Some for eternity!

Isn't it a wonder that the Almighty God would choose puny little humans to carry out His plans and purposes? I mean- He could just as well go ahead and carry out His grand schemes through mighty shows and acts in the sky or through natural phenomenon- but no, God would rather work the supernatural through our day-to-day boring lives!

Think of God promising a savior and then sending Him to be born through a young teenage virgin from a nondescript town. Think of God deciding to send out the incredibly valuable gospel message through a rag tag band of twelve -mostly uneducated riff-raff from the lower classes of the Jewish society?

So what am I aiming to get at? There is purpose in your pain. Your small and meager efforts for the Lord have an impact in the lives of others- wether you will ever know it or not! Whatever card God has dealt you with- He had plans, purposes and reasons behind them! Your life may seem meaningless and trivial and you may even wonder of what good it might be to anyone- but if like George you had the privilege of watching the impact your absence would have in the lives of those around you and those who you love- then maybe you would rejoice in your struggles. Maybe you would wake up and still go to your dead-end  job with a smile. Maybe you would appreciate the sunrise and sunset a little more. Maybe your good  health and your three square meals wouldn't be taken for granted anymore. Maybe you would cherish your wife and spend more time with your beautiful children.
Maybe you would never understand the purpose in your pain- but maybe you would also be okay with it because you would appreciate that whatever the Master is doing is for the good of others and for yourself!
For now we see dimly ( or not at all) but one day we shall see clearly- when we behold Him! When the purposes of our pains and trials are fully revealed!