Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The Joke that is Democracy
"The heart is most deceitful beyond all else!''
I hate politics. And Democracy too! They are both jokes. Big bad ugly jokes.The former is a machine for deceiving the masses and the latter is a lie used to convince the masses that they actually have a say in matters of governance and in deciding what is morally 'right and wrong'. Both are deceptive, serving only the interests of wretched hearts and souls!
I know what you may be thinking now. " what does this ignorant and arrogant bastard (yeah, I grew up with no dad) know about politics and democracy?" Well, I don't know much-but I have seen and heard enough to convince me to hate those two evil jokes!
I was a Journalist. I have worked on two continents. Africa and Europe and I am still convinced that Politics and Democracy anywhere in the world is the same. I worked for the BBC for 6months and the largest media house in East Africa ( NATION MEDIA GROUP) for 3 years.
I was behind a microphone when Kenya went to war with herself at the end of 2007/ beginning of 2008. I watched people's homes and businesses get torched. I walked past dead bodies in the streets. I interviewed marauding youths with machetes,clubs and rocks in their hands and my heart in my mouth. They told us the only reason they didn't attack us was because we were the media and they wanted us to let the world know what they were protesting about.
One day I was caught on the wrong side of the divide with police coming towards us as we talked to demonstrators- a tear gas canister was hurled and it hit me on my chest - burning my shirt and almost knocking me out cold. I coughed for my life as live bullets whizzed by, stoking more chaos to a burning slum.
I saw footage and pictures no human being should see. We could never air those on tv or describe them on radio- we were told. These would only fuel revenge attacks from grieved tribes. Hacked bodies. Severed limbs. Did you see what the city mortuary looked like then?
Pregnant women hacked to death with unborn foetus' hanging out of their swollen and ripped bellies.Bodies of women and children burnt beyond recognition. One of those attacks happened in a church!
This was all in the name of Politics and Democracy.
While all this was happening, fat politicians with body guards were calling us Journalists to press conferences in air conditioned hotels and with smirks on their faces they talked about how Democracy was going to 'win' for the common man. How the rights of the masses would not be denied. It made me sick to the stomach- literally!
One day, I was having a bowl of fruits for lunch as I wondered wether Kenya was headed to the dogs like our next door neighbors- Somalia and South Sudan when a searing pain in my stomach sent me sprawling on the floor. My friends rushed me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with ulcers and admitted for 4 days. I was 26 years old. The doctor said I had major ulcers in my stomach lining due to depression and stress. A few months later, I quit Journalism. I wasn't ready to write or report myself to death.
Why am I writing about all this you may ask? Well, my country is going to an election in just over a month and the outlook is not too good. Violence in certain parts of the country has already happened. Corruption and irregularities have been rampant during the recent primaries.
Tribal animosities are already flaring up in some places. Tomorrow still looks bleak.
So what are the solutions? If we got 'good leaders', would Kenya and Africa's plight be better? If we followed the model of the developed world- practicing 'good politics' and 'true Democracy' would things be better for our 'failed States'?
I don't believe so. Lets look at the 'perfect' models abroad. Their democracies and politics have legalized abortions and gay rights and gay marriages and guns. 12 Year olds are in street gangs taking lives before they can fully understand what a Life is worth. 11 and 12 year old girls are prostitutes. Pimps, Sex trade traffickers and drug dealers are freely cruising down the streets in big cars because of a technicality in a clause of a State Law. Marijuana and other controlled substances are legal in certain places. Millions of babies aborted each year- because there is choice and women have the democratic right to choose! All this in the name of 'good Democracy and Politics'.
So no, I am not a big fan of Politics or Democracy in any part of the world. In fact the reason I am writing all this down is because I have been struggling to pray for my country and its politicians. I know who they are and what they are capable of- and they are not here to save us!
But my pastor and my Bible all say that I should pray for my country and my leaders. It's been hard. Since I quit my career in Joirnalism, I rarely watch tv or listen to the radio. It's so hard. I can't stand the lies and the manipulation. Still makes me sick. But I have a duty to pray. I must be heavenly minded but of earthly good.
So I have been thinking how I should pray and I have come to this conclusion. I can only pray for two things. Those are the only prayers I have- literally! That's my only hope. I can pray for Christ to return quickly or I can pray for God to touch the hearts of wretched sinners - like myself.
See, Kenya's and Africa's and the world's biggest problem is not poverty and bad leaders and bad democracy. No! Our biggest problems are our sinful hearts. No amount of money, or education or peace or pleasure will ever satiate an evil heart- we will always battle evil because it is in our DNA. All of us. We murder and steal and kill and rape and lie and take advantage of each other because we are selfish and self centered. And only Jesus can save us!
So MARANATHA! - Lord come quick or touch the hearts of these wicked leaders and restrain the evil schemes of the poor man in the slum who thinks He has nothing to lose by torching a business premise or hacking his neighbor to death because he comes from a different tribe. Otherwise there is no HOPE for us. You say the King's heart is like water in your hands and you can turn it whichever which way you so please and you say you will establish a Kingdom of Peace that will last forever. For only these I pray. For unless you restrain the wretched hearts of men and unless your Gospel pierces the stony hearts of the wicked, Democracy and Politics will continue to kill us-everyday!
P.s My lack of belief in Politics and Democracy does in no way suggest that
People should not vote or take part in policy making- just a reminder to keep our eyes and hopes on Christ! He is our only Messiah! And yes, I will vote- even though I prefer Theocracy to Democracy!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
The Indwelling Guest
The Holy Spirit is the "forgotten God!"
I am getting big. And I am not the only one who has noticed. My nephew says my chest is pushed out a little more. My ever smiling neighbor friend says he thinks I am trying to walk like The Hulk lately. On my part, I am spending a few extra minutes in the shower- flexing my bulging muscles in the little mirror in my tiny bathroom. I have even named my biceps- the one on the right is called thunder and the one on the left is called- you guessed it,lightening!
So why am I getting buff, you may ask? Two main reasons really. One, I am waking up at 5:30Am in the morning to either go for a 30 minute run or am at the gym pumping iron before the birds know its breakfast time. Somedays I run and somedays I punish my body by raising and lowering ridiculously heavy pieces of metal. All for the reward of being able to justify my peacock swagger,larger pecs and the overall claim of being healthy and in shape. I have always wanted to say that- now I can! I am in shape and in perfect health- eat that world!
The second and more significant reason is that my mom has moved in. Yes, my mom is now living with me and my nephew. She moved in just before Christmas- and by the looks of it- she ain't leaving us any time soon! We don't mind much-me and my cool nephew- but we have noticed a lot of change in our lives lately. Some we like and some I am struggling with.
One thing I like so far about our live-in (maybe permanent?) guest is cleanliness. These days the house is spotless - well, it is when we (me and the nephew) are out. We kind of taint it a bit once we are back in the house for about 15 minutes or so. The truth is- it has never been this clean!
The diet has changed too. Me and my nephew- we agree on several things but one of the top ones is meat. We think that a meal without meat is not fit for a man. My mom thinks different. She thinks the greener your plate, the more your skin glows. I tried to remind her that am an African man who doesn't care for glowing skin. I just want to smell beef or goat or sausages or chicken when I burp. She doesn't seem to like my table manners either.
Now, I have to make sure my ridiculous Afro is combed before I step out- otherwise my dear mon will start hinting that there is quite a number of barber shops just down the road. She also checks out my color coordination when I dress up for church. Says something about image being a big deal.
My nephew also tells me she is also asking a lot about when I plan to settle down and give her grand kids. She gave up asking me to my face - coz when she does, that's when I usually realize I have to go play basketball at church or catch up on my Bible reading.
So I am dressing up a little cleaner ( mom wont let me re-use the t-shirt I wore the other day or the socks I wore the whole of last week) I am also eating a whole lot of rabbit food and wondering why my bowel movements have more than doubled! And of course I am being forced to think about the future a whole lot more. Moms impact at home has been reminding me of the guest in my heart- He who should be governing my heart and soul ever since I gave my life to Christ.
Gods word tells us that once we are born again, He sends the Holy Spirit to dwell in us and " teach us in all things ". The 'Helper' as Jesus called Him, is supposed to help us discern what is good and godly and what is false and evil. He should be slowly but diligently and steadily changing us. Until our image on the outside starts reflecting the change within.
That should be exciting for us right? But how long does our enthusiasm last? After being so used to our sinful ways for years, we don't want to change - do we? We have acquired pet sins and old ways and we don't want to abandon all that. Maybe we want a little change - but not sweeping changes. We are comfortable in the rut of routine- and who is this who wants to push us out of it?
The scary thing is that we can grieve the Holy Spirit. Just like I have been turning away from my mom as she asks me about my future plans and discouraging her from probing into my thoughts and plans, we can grieve the Holy Spirit until we are no longer conscious of His quiet and gentle voice that seeks our own good and the glory of our Father!
Is He the forgotten God in our lives? Do we consciously walk through each day with Him in our hearts? Do we pray for His wisdom and discernment as we read the very Word He inspired men to write?
Are we sensitive to His movements and His work in our souls or have our consciences' been seared by our own lusts and desires that we can no longer feel His gentle hand or heartbroken pleas?
Do we pray with His leading in humility or are we bold and cocky enough to assume we do not need His intercessory role before the very throne of heaven?
I have been thinking about my live-in guest and I have been praying and I am repenting. If it was in His power that Jesus did all the miracles, if it was by His power that Jesus Christ rose from the dead and if He is the seal the Father has placed on my heart as down payment for my Soul and if He inspired men to write the Holy Book-then I better shut up and listen in.
Otherwise I am the dumbest human alive.
I am getting big. And I am not the only one who has noticed. My nephew says my chest is pushed out a little more. My ever smiling neighbor friend says he thinks I am trying to walk like The Hulk lately. On my part, I am spending a few extra minutes in the shower- flexing my bulging muscles in the little mirror in my tiny bathroom. I have even named my biceps- the one on the right is called thunder and the one on the left is called- you guessed it,lightening!
So why am I getting buff, you may ask? Two main reasons really. One, I am waking up at 5:30Am in the morning to either go for a 30 minute run or am at the gym pumping iron before the birds know its breakfast time. Somedays I run and somedays I punish my body by raising and lowering ridiculously heavy pieces of metal. All for the reward of being able to justify my peacock swagger,larger pecs and the overall claim of being healthy and in shape. I have always wanted to say that- now I can! I am in shape and in perfect health- eat that world!
The second and more significant reason is that my mom has moved in. Yes, my mom is now living with me and my nephew. She moved in just before Christmas- and by the looks of it- she ain't leaving us any time soon! We don't mind much-me and my cool nephew- but we have noticed a lot of change in our lives lately. Some we like and some I am struggling with.
One thing I like so far about our live-in (maybe permanent?) guest is cleanliness. These days the house is spotless - well, it is when we (me and the nephew) are out. We kind of taint it a bit once we are back in the house for about 15 minutes or so. The truth is- it has never been this clean!
The diet has changed too. Me and my nephew- we agree on several things but one of the top ones is meat. We think that a meal without meat is not fit for a man. My mom thinks different. She thinks the greener your plate, the more your skin glows. I tried to remind her that am an African man who doesn't care for glowing skin. I just want to smell beef or goat or sausages or chicken when I burp. She doesn't seem to like my table manners either.
Now, I have to make sure my ridiculous Afro is combed before I step out- otherwise my dear mon will start hinting that there is quite a number of barber shops just down the road. She also checks out my color coordination when I dress up for church. Says something about image being a big deal.
My nephew also tells me she is also asking a lot about when I plan to settle down and give her grand kids. She gave up asking me to my face - coz when she does, that's when I usually realize I have to go play basketball at church or catch up on my Bible reading.
So I am dressing up a little cleaner ( mom wont let me re-use the t-shirt I wore the other day or the socks I wore the whole of last week) I am also eating a whole lot of rabbit food and wondering why my bowel movements have more than doubled! And of course I am being forced to think about the future a whole lot more. Moms impact at home has been reminding me of the guest in my heart- He who should be governing my heart and soul ever since I gave my life to Christ.
Gods word tells us that once we are born again, He sends the Holy Spirit to dwell in us and " teach us in all things ". The 'Helper' as Jesus called Him, is supposed to help us discern what is good and godly and what is false and evil. He should be slowly but diligently and steadily changing us. Until our image on the outside starts reflecting the change within.
That should be exciting for us right? But how long does our enthusiasm last? After being so used to our sinful ways for years, we don't want to change - do we? We have acquired pet sins and old ways and we don't want to abandon all that. Maybe we want a little change - but not sweeping changes. We are comfortable in the rut of routine- and who is this who wants to push us out of it?
The scary thing is that we can grieve the Holy Spirit. Just like I have been turning away from my mom as she asks me about my future plans and discouraging her from probing into my thoughts and plans, we can grieve the Holy Spirit until we are no longer conscious of His quiet and gentle voice that seeks our own good and the glory of our Father!
Is He the forgotten God in our lives? Do we consciously walk through each day with Him in our hearts? Do we pray for His wisdom and discernment as we read the very Word He inspired men to write?
Are we sensitive to His movements and His work in our souls or have our consciences' been seared by our own lusts and desires that we can no longer feel His gentle hand or heartbroken pleas?
Do we pray with His leading in humility or are we bold and cocky enough to assume we do not need His intercessory role before the very throne of heaven?
I have been thinking about my live-in guest and I have been praying and I am repenting. If it was in His power that Jesus did all the miracles, if it was by His power that Jesus Christ rose from the dead and if He is the seal the Father has placed on my heart as down payment for my Soul and if He inspired men to write the Holy Book-then I better shut up and listen in.
Otherwise I am the dumbest human alive.
Friday, January 18, 2013
What Love looks like
Relentless. That's what Love is. The Relentless pursuit of another- forever!
I would NEVER marry for money, convenience,status, out of desperation, old age panic, for the sake of having children, due to family pressure ( read mom and grandma! ) or even for companionship.I know,I know- I am African but The word is NEVER! I would rather die single. Strong words for a man living in the slum at 31 years of age you might say. Well- those are my convictions. And trust me- I live by my convictions. I would die for my convictions. Call it pride,arrogance or idiocy. I am that kind of idiot. Love is the only reason that would compel me to settle down-nothing else will do.
Love is not love anymore. It has been cheapened. We 'love' cereal and the cat and the car and jogging and food and the new iPhone. Preferences are now convictions of Love. Love has become anything that gives you an emotional high or that which you enjoy doing. That's how cheap the L word has become. My views on both issues -Love and Marriage are pretty old school. They are Biblical.
No, I would never sign a pre-nup, no I would never consider divorce unless infidelity was involved.
I refuse to help cheapen Love.
Love is greater than that.
Infinitely greater than that.
I did not walk into the arms of Christ after sober judgement and deliberation. I did not hear the gospel and become hysterical-crying and chanting unintelligible words and begging God to take me in. At first, I approached the kingdom out of fear. Hell didnt sound like fun for the 9 year old boy. I was plain scared and tired of pain and I also wanted all the shiny golden things in heaven- I was a slum kid- (umm, guess I still am!) I just wanted better. Fire Insurance and a golden pay out.
When I finally found out that God wasnt Santa Clause, I started kicking, cussing and clawing my way in the opposite direction. The thought of depriving myself of indulgent pleasures and suffering for an invisible God didn't sound like my cup of tea. So I fled.
I was pursued. Relentlessly. I didnt like it. I wanted to be left to my own devices. I was ambitious. Get out of the slum, make lots of money and try to enjoy every single day of the rest of my life indulging in anything and everything that would bring me pleasure. Christianity sounded like a monk-secluded from everything nice- and condemning everybody else's actions. I wanted no part of it. Plus, I had heard plenty about the Christian faith while growing up-I was ready for something different.
God however had other plans. He always does. I have given up trying to figure out the Being who talks planets into existence, forms little mud dolls and breathes into them to make them living humans. He who brags that heaven is His throne and that Earth is where He stretches His feet on as a footstool. I just don't know what plan or scheme of mine will ever sound intelligent to His ears. I heard He laughs at those kinds of attempts and ideas. Being so insecure, I am not volunteering to give Him a good bellyache.
Well, He got me. I made all kinds of excuses but they didn't work. He just wouldn't let up or take no for an answer. I gave this whole speech about being so messed up that I probably would be in Rehab forever. He nodded and said He already knew that. I quit praying and going to church so the guilt would go away. Packed the Bible and tried to think of any and every anti-Christian stuff I liked to do that would get me too dirty to love. I immersed myself into gangster rap and decided to become a secular MC. I thought it would be cool and bad and ... further away from everything I had ever learnt about God and the Bible. When that didn't work, I decided to chase a career. It lasted 3 years. I was lost and confused and lonely and disillusioned. Nothing satisfied, nothing motivated me. No peace, lots of inner turmoil.
Ahhh! I had hit rock bottom in my mid 20's. All this time- He was right there. Jesus. Calling out to me.
He was irresistible and I had run out of options. I had reached the end of my rope- He was offering me His life line. I had the stench of death on me- He said He resurrected corpses.
I wanted a compromise- half and half. He said, everything or nothing.
I asked for time to change and clean up- He said I couldn't do it and that I should just come as I am. I tried to prove Him wrong and fell flat on my face - a million times!
All this while He was there. Wooing me. Promising me incredible things and all the while I kept noticing how depraved I was. The prodigal was hungry and tired and lonesome and desperate. Exceedingly desperate. I asked Him, "Why Lord, why me?!
I am nothing, just a worm! You are God! Holy and Mighty, High and lifted up- what business would you have with scum and vermin like me?"
"It's love!" He said. " I love you so much I already died for you. Ransomed you. So we could be together forever! I am never leaving you- that's what Love does!"
I fell, I cried, I repented. I tried to say "But I ...." He shook His head and said He didn't care about the past.
That's when I understood what Love looked like.
That's why I could never cheat into a marriage. If and when I love again, I will expect Love to cost me everything. Our relationship SHOULD mirror the Love of Christ. That doesn't sound like a walk in the park. But Christ promises to walk with us.
If we keep our eyes on Him, It will be beautiful.
So now I am just preparing and waiting -gearing up for the long term- getting set for the relentless pursuit to begin!
I would NEVER marry for money, convenience,status, out of desperation, old age panic, for the sake of having children, due to family pressure ( read mom and grandma! ) or even for companionship.I know,I know- I am African but The word is NEVER! I would rather die single. Strong words for a man living in the slum at 31 years of age you might say. Well- those are my convictions. And trust me- I live by my convictions. I would die for my convictions. Call it pride,arrogance or idiocy. I am that kind of idiot. Love is the only reason that would compel me to settle down-nothing else will do.
Love is not love anymore. It has been cheapened. We 'love' cereal and the cat and the car and jogging and food and the new iPhone. Preferences are now convictions of Love. Love has become anything that gives you an emotional high or that which you enjoy doing. That's how cheap the L word has become. My views on both issues -Love and Marriage are pretty old school. They are Biblical.
No, I would never sign a pre-nup, no I would never consider divorce unless infidelity was involved.
I refuse to help cheapen Love.
Love is greater than that.
Infinitely greater than that.
I did not walk into the arms of Christ after sober judgement and deliberation. I did not hear the gospel and become hysterical-crying and chanting unintelligible words and begging God to take me in. At first, I approached the kingdom out of fear. Hell didnt sound like fun for the 9 year old boy. I was plain scared and tired of pain and I also wanted all the shiny golden things in heaven- I was a slum kid- (umm, guess I still am!) I just wanted better. Fire Insurance and a golden pay out.
When I finally found out that God wasnt Santa Clause, I started kicking, cussing and clawing my way in the opposite direction. The thought of depriving myself of indulgent pleasures and suffering for an invisible God didn't sound like my cup of tea. So I fled.
I was pursued. Relentlessly. I didnt like it. I wanted to be left to my own devices. I was ambitious. Get out of the slum, make lots of money and try to enjoy every single day of the rest of my life indulging in anything and everything that would bring me pleasure. Christianity sounded like a monk-secluded from everything nice- and condemning everybody else's actions. I wanted no part of it. Plus, I had heard plenty about the Christian faith while growing up-I was ready for something different.
God however had other plans. He always does. I have given up trying to figure out the Being who talks planets into existence, forms little mud dolls and breathes into them to make them living humans. He who brags that heaven is His throne and that Earth is where He stretches His feet on as a footstool. I just don't know what plan or scheme of mine will ever sound intelligent to His ears. I heard He laughs at those kinds of attempts and ideas. Being so insecure, I am not volunteering to give Him a good bellyache.
Well, He got me. I made all kinds of excuses but they didn't work. He just wouldn't let up or take no for an answer. I gave this whole speech about being so messed up that I probably would be in Rehab forever. He nodded and said He already knew that. I quit praying and going to church so the guilt would go away. Packed the Bible and tried to think of any and every anti-Christian stuff I liked to do that would get me too dirty to love. I immersed myself into gangster rap and decided to become a secular MC. I thought it would be cool and bad and ... further away from everything I had ever learnt about God and the Bible. When that didn't work, I decided to chase a career. It lasted 3 years. I was lost and confused and lonely and disillusioned. Nothing satisfied, nothing motivated me. No peace, lots of inner turmoil.
Ahhh! I had hit rock bottom in my mid 20's. All this time- He was right there. Jesus. Calling out to me.
He was irresistible and I had run out of options. I had reached the end of my rope- He was offering me His life line. I had the stench of death on me- He said He resurrected corpses.
I wanted a compromise- half and half. He said, everything or nothing.
I asked for time to change and clean up- He said I couldn't do it and that I should just come as I am. I tried to prove Him wrong and fell flat on my face - a million times!
All this while He was there. Wooing me. Promising me incredible things and all the while I kept noticing how depraved I was. The prodigal was hungry and tired and lonesome and desperate. Exceedingly desperate. I asked Him, "Why Lord, why me?!
I am nothing, just a worm! You are God! Holy and Mighty, High and lifted up- what business would you have with scum and vermin like me?"
"It's love!" He said. " I love you so much I already died for you. Ransomed you. So we could be together forever! I am never leaving you- that's what Love does!"
I fell, I cried, I repented. I tried to say "But I ...." He shook His head and said He didn't care about the past.
That's when I understood what Love looked like.
That's why I could never cheat into a marriage. If and when I love again, I will expect Love to cost me everything. Our relationship SHOULD mirror the Love of Christ. That doesn't sound like a walk in the park. But Christ promises to walk with us.
If we keep our eyes on Him, It will be beautiful.
So now I am just preparing and waiting -gearing up for the long term- getting set for the relentless pursuit to begin!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Of Explicit Prayers and ongoing Speech Therapy
"Woe unto me, a man of unclean lips!"
I write how I speak. That doesn't make for a pretty read. It means I break all the rules of written grammar. That definitely ticks off all the English scholars and the average English speakers. I start sentences with Ands and Buts –I put hyphens and commas wherever it sounds natural in speech and I randomly swing between the past, present and future tenses- just for kicks.What the heck! It’s my writing. Nobody forced anybody to read my written speeches. Plus, I have no dreams or aspirations of becoming a New York Times Best Seller in my Lifetime. I just like to speak my mind on paper-literally.
I also happen to suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. This means, I say what’s on my mind as soon as it is conceived in my medulla oblongata and then pay for it later. Sometimes I pay dearly. My words tend to rub a lot of people the wrong way-but I really can’t help it. It’s a gift. Well, maybe more of a curse. It gets worse. I also tend to lean towards dark humor. If you pricked me,I would probably ooze sarcasm. Lots of it too! All grey and green muck. This means, many people tend to either think of me as a sour grape, killjoy, rude, insensitive, proud and conceited and pessimistic. I like to think of myself as neither of those-but nobody seems to agree with me. Oh, well!
I get sick saying nice things all the time. I can only do it for so long before everything in me is screaming out- “Aaah! Say something normal!” Obviously, my normal differs with many other peoples’ idea of normal. Maybe I have multiple people’s disorder?
Whatever the case might be-I don’t lose sleep on it. If it burns my tongue-it’s coming out. Ain’t no way am getting blisters in there when I can spit it out! I just feel so fake-as if am acting! I detest fake. The problem is- there is a verse about my kind of behavior. Ephesians 4:29. Someone-a teacher I think- made me memorize that verse shortly after I gave my Life to Christ- can’t really remember who it was- that was many years ago. But I guess it tells you they already saw the potential problem my loose cannon might cause to me and others in future!
The Apostle James talks about it too- says something about the tongue being lit by the flames of hell and boasting about great things and blessing God and cursing fellow man all at the same time. It’s pretty scary actually! If not for Grace, then my mouth is talking me straight to eternal doom!
Lately, convictions about my speech are coming faster and harder. I don’t understand why what I say is starting to make me second guess myself and examine the impact of my words on others. I am not saying I have changed-just saying that now, I replay my conversations and what I said and wonder why I said some stuff and what that might have made the other person feel! It’s a really unnatural feeling for me. How awkward would it be if I was nice 24/7? Eeww! I would sound like a suck up! Did I mention that I hate suck ups? Well, I do!
So one of my resolutions this year is to become a prayer warrior- you know, those people who are always praying even when they are looking at you with sincere eyes and thinking-“this person is a real loser-such an idiot!” I want to be one of those. Constantly praying about people and stuff-mostly people. I am learning that lots of people hurt. All people are hurting bad one way or the other-and so a lot of people need prayers. If God doesn’t come through for them-they are doomed! So my goal is to step in and help out with pushing up prayers and supplications to Dad. He is so good! I wonder what He thinks about my prayers though.
I have been praying more lately-maybe more than some years put together in the past! I Heard or read something about praying through the day- the concept is very basic and simple but is life transforming. This means that I prod myself to pray at any time-I thank God for my legs as I walk, I thank God for my sight when I look up to the sky, I repent as soon as a cuss word -or words, have had their full run in my mind when someone dumb cuts me in line or shoves me out of the way at the bus stop when I am trying to get on a matatu. I try to remember to repent when I complain about mom serving me vegetables when all I want to eat is meat! It’s a lot of fun,and I feel more connected with Dad-it’s like having a day-long conversation with my Father. Sometimes I picture Him smiling-sometimes laughing at how dumb I am or Him just shaking His head and wondering why in the world He decided to take on a numbskull like me. But I feel so connected-and more conscious when I do something wrong. It’s like I have a new radar that goes off when I am starting to enjoy evil things.
What I have learned though is this- God likes it when we are authentic and real. Read the Psalms. Those guys had no problem letting God know what was on their minds- and hearts. They were wise enough to know how foolish it is to fake a prayer when the God to whom your praying to knows all that you truly are inside,what you are trying to hide and what your real prayer should sound like. I am sick of those games. Don’t care about sounding cool when I pray anymore-I just share what’s heavy on my mind or heart. It’s such a relief –and it’s liberating too to know that you have the privilege of spilling your guts out to a God who cares about what you think and feel, your dreams and fears, anxieties and pains-aaah! What a feeling.
Umm… so what am I trying to say here? Pray authentic. God already knows when your wearing a mask-and you know it! Perfect Love drives out all fear. God loves you with that perfect Love-so stop being fearful and be real with Him. Tell Him when you don’t understand-complain when it feels unfair-then repent right away! Just be you when you’re talking to Him. Ask Him to talk back to you when you have no clue what He is trying to do. Make a deal with Him-and make sure you follow through! Prayer will no longer feel like work or an obligation-it will be a joy and a never ending conversation with the one true being that really cares for you-and who actually listens to all the things you have to say-important, heart wrenching, dumb or silly.
In my next prayer, I am asking Him why this sarcasm thing is such a big deal and is making me feel funny and why I can’t be nice with words to most people for more than 20 minutes!
Maybe I will get an answer or maybe I will just get a smile-but either way, it will all be good-because none of us will be faking.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
The ultimate page-turner
‘History is His story. Life has only one author.’
I don't fight change much-at least not most times. Of course there are exceptions for everyone and sometimes you just wish everything would freeze in the moment-but for the most part,I move on quick after very minimal fuss. It's not that I am an unfeeling ,tough and macho guy,(actually, I am a bit of a softie!) and it's definitely not because I am a wise man who thinks that fighting the inevitable is foolhardy-no, far from it!
It actually has to do more with a personal flaw.
I get bored way too easily. Life is too predictable and uninspiring when it's all the same stuff over and over again! Getting bored quick with routine is not an admirable quality. It's actually a really bad one. Not the type that wakes up to a regular 9 to 5 and keeps a family together by doing the same thing day in and day out for decades. Loving, leading, sacrificing every day of the year is not for the fickle. I aspire to get there –soon! Endurance and tenacity are what you need for the long haul if you are to do anything meaningful and that outlasts your life. None of those short spurts of enthusiasm get you very far.
So it’s a new year! So excited! The potential for change is ever so great! There are many old ways to forsake and new ones to embrace. A chance to bury the past and with new vigor, attempt to write a different chapter of your life! Aaah! The thought alone invigorates me-bring on the New Year!
My pastor talked on change this past Sunday and now I have a new Bible hero! Of course Jesus is the ultimate hero for a Christian- God the eternal coming down to wear a suit of mortal flesh and to die as a substitute for the vilest of sinners deserving the worst type of death row is unmatched-but are we not human? Don’t we like to read about a regular Joe, an underdog who by God’s design, favor and grace overcomes insurmountable challenges to perform great feats that awe us and bring glory to the God? At least I do! It gives me hope that the Holy, Almighty God could use a wretch like me to do an iota of something good and meaningful in this otherwise painful, stressful and mostly hard to decipher life!
I get bored way too easily. Life is too predictable and uninspiring when it's all the same stuff over and over again! Getting bored quick with routine is not an admirable quality. It's actually a really bad one. Not the type that wakes up to a regular 9 to 5 and keeps a family together by doing the same thing day in and day out for decades. Loving, leading, sacrificing every day of the year is not for the fickle. I aspire to get there –soon! Endurance and tenacity are what you need for the long haul if you are to do anything meaningful and that outlasts your life. None of those short spurts of enthusiasm get you very far.
So it’s a new year! So excited! The potential for change is ever so great! There are many old ways to forsake and new ones to embrace. A chance to bury the past and with new vigor, attempt to write a different chapter of your life! Aaah! The thought alone invigorates me-bring on the New Year!
My pastor talked on change this past Sunday and now I have a new Bible hero! Of course Jesus is the ultimate hero for a Christian- God the eternal coming down to wear a suit of mortal flesh and to die as a substitute for the vilest of sinners deserving the worst type of death row is unmatched-but are we not human? Don’t we like to read about a regular Joe, an underdog who by God’s design, favor and grace overcomes insurmountable challenges to perform great feats that awe us and bring glory to the God? At least I do! It gives me hope that the Holy, Almighty God could use a wretch like me to do an iota of something good and meaningful in this otherwise painful, stressful and mostly hard to decipher life!
An absolutely wretched human being who by fully trusting God rises up out of the muck and mire of selfish living to effect change in the lives of those around them never fails to inspire me. Those stories give me hope that maybe, just maybe-God will graciously do something remotely close in my own life.
So I have always been awed by Moses, David, Job and Paul. They are incredible role models, remarkable people who by God’s design and Grace have accomplished superhuman feats. Superhuman because no man in and of their own strengths would go through all the trials and tribulations that they faced and come out on top. It’s just not manly possible. However, my secret favorite has always been Samson-and that is not only because he possessed the biggest and most chiseled biceps any man has ever boasted. I mean, the ability to dispatch a thousand well trained soldiers with the jaw bone of ahem, a donkey, is pretty impressive for a hero worshipper like myself! Let’s also not forget that he carried an entire city gate on his back up a hill! Come on, you gotta give the strongman some credit here. However, the clincher for me was his walk with God. Samson was trouble from the get go. Big muscles give you a bit of arrogance-superhuman strength like he possessed kind of soaks your brain cells with pride and a sense of invincibility. No wonder most big and burly men end up being nothing more than guard dogs to their skinnier and obviously more intelligent employers!
Samson was a screw up who always learnt the hard way. He had lost sight of God until his eyes were gauged out-no pun intend! How he could never see the schemes of the women in his life when they asked him for the answer of his lion and honey riddle or the secret source of his strength beats me- again, big muscles, less brain activity?
So I have always been awed by Moses, David, Job and Paul. They are incredible role models, remarkable people who by God’s design and Grace have accomplished superhuman feats. Superhuman because no man in and of their own strengths would go through all the trials and tribulations that they faced and come out on top. It’s just not manly possible. However, my secret favorite has always been Samson-and that is not only because he possessed the biggest and most chiseled biceps any man has ever boasted. I mean, the ability to dispatch a thousand well trained soldiers with the jaw bone of ahem, a donkey, is pretty impressive for a hero worshipper like myself! Let’s also not forget that he carried an entire city gate on his back up a hill! Come on, you gotta give the strongman some credit here. However, the clincher for me was his walk with God. Samson was trouble from the get go. Big muscles give you a bit of arrogance-superhuman strength like he possessed kind of soaks your brain cells with pride and a sense of invincibility. No wonder most big and burly men end up being nothing more than guard dogs to their skinnier and obviously more intelligent employers!
Samson was a screw up who always learnt the hard way. He had lost sight of God until his eyes were gauged out-no pun intend! How he could never see the schemes of the women in his life when they asked him for the answer of his lion and honey riddle or the secret source of his strength beats me- again, big muscles, less brain activity?
Is this a good example of the pride of life? I do a lot of dumb things and I am absolutely floored and gob smacked that a God so holy and so righteous would give a second glance at me! Samson’s last words are something like… “and now, let me die with the Philistines!” Defiant till the end. God still as gracious as ever, merciful till the end, grants Samson's somewhat selfish and vengeful final wish- to kill all the philistines who have ironically gathered in their thousands to celebrate his capture! He avenges his two eyes by killing more people on that day than he has easily dispatched during his entire life!
I have always identified myself more with Samson than any other Biblical character. We have both been called to a life that we definitely have no will power or strength to pull off on our own. Ever so blinded by pride, ambition and the small trophies of earth, we stumble and mess up so often along the way. Yet we are constantly being helped up by the hand of the ever merciful one. The all powerful one who chooses to walk beside us and extend his hand so readily and willingly as if he were a hired hand!
But Samson is not the hero of old that pastor talked about this past Sunday. No, He talked about a boy-king. A man cut from a different cloth who took an unusual stand. King Josiah. The kid became king when he was only 8. Barely out of his diapers, he was quickly thrust into the hot seat of ruling an entire nation! A nation of idol worshipers deeply plunged into pagan practices for decades. A nation that had rebelliously chosen to forget their unique history. Even Josiah's own father was a wicked pagan king, murdered by his own subjects. Orphaned at 8 and with no godly role model to emulate, (his grandfather, Manasseh, was one of the vilest kings who ever ruled in Israel!) Josiah had every reason to follow the ways of his predecessors. This kid king was different though. He chooses to go against the grain.
By the age of 26, he has gone all out on a quest to purge Judah of idolatry and all pagan practices.This is precipitated by one event. Someone finds a copy of the book of law and after it is read to him, he is horrified by how far he and his people have fallen away from God's design for His people. He starts by tearing his royal robes after rending his heart before God. He doesn't stop there though.
He tears down shrines and temples built for foreign gods and idols! He orders that pagan priests be put to death. A young man led solely by the zeal to honor his God, single handedly restores the worship of Yahweh, the true God of the Israelites to a nation that had forsaken their God for decades. The Passover, a ceremonial feast in commemoration of how God had led the Hebrews out of 400 years of slavery had long been forsaken. Josiah restores it. He orders renovations to the temple and tries to restore it to it’s former glory as best as he can. A single man brings sweeping, radical changes by taking a stand and following through. Am sure it wasn't a picnic. People don't wake up and change overnight. In fact, people hate change. Most people like to stick with the status quo.
They can't be bothered to exert themselves when they have found a comfortable rhythm, and anyways, what does a young boy know? Who is he, what right does he have to tell them what to do? I am also sure the devil wasn't taking all this lying down. What challenges and odds did King Josiah have to beat to make all this happen-we don't know. The Bible just highlights his success and his not so heroic death in battle. The point however remains; one person believing in the one true God, stepping out in faith can make a difference. Real change starts with one God, working in one human's heart to bring change to many other lives for the glory of His name.
So what will you stand for or against in this New Year? What changes will God bring to those around you through you? God is always working, doing, moving-- the question is, are you on the same page with the big Change Maker? Will you let Him turn over a new leaf? Will you let the ultimate page turner write a new chapter in the adventure book of your life? Real change is only a heart change away!
(for King Josiah's story, see 2 Kings 22 and 23)
I have always identified myself more with Samson than any other Biblical character. We have both been called to a life that we definitely have no will power or strength to pull off on our own. Ever so blinded by pride, ambition and the small trophies of earth, we stumble and mess up so often along the way. Yet we are constantly being helped up by the hand of the ever merciful one. The all powerful one who chooses to walk beside us and extend his hand so readily and willingly as if he were a hired hand!
But Samson is not the hero of old that pastor talked about this past Sunday. No, He talked about a boy-king. A man cut from a different cloth who took an unusual stand. King Josiah. The kid became king when he was only 8. Barely out of his diapers, he was quickly thrust into the hot seat of ruling an entire nation! A nation of idol worshipers deeply plunged into pagan practices for decades. A nation that had rebelliously chosen to forget their unique history. Even Josiah's own father was a wicked pagan king, murdered by his own subjects. Orphaned at 8 and with no godly role model to emulate, (his grandfather, Manasseh, was one of the vilest kings who ever ruled in Israel!) Josiah had every reason to follow the ways of his predecessors. This kid king was different though. He chooses to go against the grain.
By the age of 26, he has gone all out on a quest to purge Judah of idolatry and all pagan practices.This is precipitated by one event. Someone finds a copy of the book of law and after it is read to him, he is horrified by how far he and his people have fallen away from God's design for His people. He starts by tearing his royal robes after rending his heart before God. He doesn't stop there though.
He tears down shrines and temples built for foreign gods and idols! He orders that pagan priests be put to death. A young man led solely by the zeal to honor his God, single handedly restores the worship of Yahweh, the true God of the Israelites to a nation that had forsaken their God for decades. The Passover, a ceremonial feast in commemoration of how God had led the Hebrews out of 400 years of slavery had long been forsaken. Josiah restores it. He orders renovations to the temple and tries to restore it to it’s former glory as best as he can. A single man brings sweeping, radical changes by taking a stand and following through. Am sure it wasn't a picnic. People don't wake up and change overnight. In fact, people hate change. Most people like to stick with the status quo.
They can't be bothered to exert themselves when they have found a comfortable rhythm, and anyways, what does a young boy know? Who is he, what right does he have to tell them what to do? I am also sure the devil wasn't taking all this lying down. What challenges and odds did King Josiah have to beat to make all this happen-we don't know. The Bible just highlights his success and his not so heroic death in battle. The point however remains; one person believing in the one true God, stepping out in faith can make a difference. Real change starts with one God, working in one human's heart to bring change to many other lives for the glory of His name.
So what will you stand for or against in this New Year? What changes will God bring to those around you through you? God is always working, doing, moving-- the question is, are you on the same page with the big Change Maker? Will you let Him turn over a new leaf? Will you let the ultimate page turner write a new chapter in the adventure book of your life? Real change is only a heart change away!
(for King Josiah's story, see 2 Kings 22 and 23)
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